I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
