saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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