Sry I called you an 8
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
