I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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