and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
