I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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