just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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