in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
