Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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