my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
