So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
