She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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