Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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