I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
