when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
