If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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