It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
