He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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