I met the friendliest cop last night
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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