I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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