U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
