she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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