wrigley field is MILF paradise
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
