return my video game
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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