My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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