If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
