I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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