Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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