We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
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Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
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I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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