Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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