Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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