my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
