we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
