I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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