First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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