Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
