I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
