my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
