Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
