She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
