Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos