I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging