Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Randomize
