Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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