Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter

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(414): fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter http://tfl.nu/kvk4

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(516): View more from New York

Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.

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(516): Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand. http://tfl.nu/xjsp

Replies (7) Good night (965) Bad night (3740)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.

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(603): I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter. http://tfl.nu/ujkx

Replies (6) Good night (8944) Bad night (1212)
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(516): View more from New York

i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".

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(516): i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed". http://tfl.nu/0nax

Replies (40) Good night (1160) Bad night (5347)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym

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(508): It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym http://tfl.nu/opd7

Replies (27) Good night (3731) Bad night (1294)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...

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(270): The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips... http://tfl.nu/unl6

Replies (8) Good night (5413) Bad night (1577)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....

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(248): Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs.... http://tfl.nu/1yzr

Replies (19) Good night (2885) Bad night (1151)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before

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(717): Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before http://tfl.nu/lay4

Replies (6) Good night (2650) Bad night (902)
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(334): View more from Alabama

I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol

(256): View more from Alabama

Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.

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(334): I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol (256): Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn. http://tfl.nu/f3y5

Replies (9) Good night (2426) Bad night (831)
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(602): View more from Arizona

Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.

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(602): Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college. http://tfl.nu/e8jb

Replies (4) Good night (2380) Bad night (751)
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(917): View more from New York City

I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat

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(917): I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat http://tfl.nu/jkqr

Replies (2) Good night (1069) Bad night (627)
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(586): View more from Michigan

In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.

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(586): In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies. http://tfl.nu/9bz2

Replies (4) Good night (995) Bad night (607)
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(361): View more from Texas

WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?

(903): View more from Texas

I would peed on everything

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(361): WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM? (903): I would peed on everything http://tfl.nu/6qp3

Replies (4) Good night (474) Bad night (596)
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(406): View more from Montana

I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.

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(406): I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest. http://tfl.nu/pzd0

Replies (8) Good night (406) Bad night (651)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.

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(780): In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far. http://tfl.nu/dhez

Replies (4) Good night (669) Bad night (325)

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