On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
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I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.