Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me