So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
my liver is dry heaving