The best revenge is premature balding
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
