Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
