Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
