i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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