Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
