I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
