sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
