he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
