I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She bit a glass in half.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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