I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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