I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
