Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
