You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
