i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
