Buhtt sex?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
