I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
