Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
