...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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