I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
