They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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