I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
