to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
