I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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