Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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