So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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