I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
