Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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