Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
